How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
