Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
