I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
