Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
