His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
