dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
