so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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