so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
