Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
