So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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