; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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