I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
