I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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