You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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