Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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