woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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