Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
