I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
