just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
