I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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