At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
