he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
