what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Who put my cat in the fridge?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
