Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
