Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
