i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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