did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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