do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
