My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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