If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
