the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
