i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
