Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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