I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
