Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
