I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
