I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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