what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
