she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The beer is more important than you right now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
