so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
