Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
