Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
