Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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