if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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