Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
