I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
