she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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