who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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