So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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