I need help removing her.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
