why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the day after is always just damage control
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
