I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
