Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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