i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
